ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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