you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
