just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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