Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You are the jesus of drinking
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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