i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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