I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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