Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
