the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
