i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
