can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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