I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
