p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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