you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
