Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
