did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
