You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
