3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
