This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
