Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
