Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
