seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
