Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
