I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I will be naked everywhere
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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