So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
