I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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