so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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