drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
