Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
