ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
