It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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