Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
