absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
