..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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