Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
