i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
