People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
