at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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