I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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