Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
