Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
