i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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