please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
