So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
