You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
