I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
