I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
