You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
