i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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