I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
