my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
