I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
