Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Actions speak louder than pants.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
