He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
